I’m getting more used to walking into a department store and going straight to the plus size section.
I’m learning to be okay with ordered a 2XL or an 18 pant size.
I used to cry in the mirror when minuscule stomach fat would seep over my jeans. I used to eat while standing on the scale.
This is huge for me.
Your self worth is not tied to the fat on your body. Let me repeat— your self worth is not tied to the fat on your body.
What does that mean? It means that being fat is okay. Like, genuinely, seriously, 1000% okay.
Why? Because being fat isn’t good or bad. It just is. Just like you might have short hair. It’s not good or bad. It just is. (Unless you’re like me and you chopped your hair off in a feminist rage and now you want your long locks back)
I have spent my whole life trying to fit into spaces, whether that’s been physically or mentally.
I have tried to fit my body into size 6 jeans that have never and will never fit me.
I have tried to fit myself into the mold of the Washington, D.C. coastal elite with a disposable income.
I’m neither of those things, and that’s okay.
How many of you are still reading this thinking— wow okay, I relate to this?
Well buckle up, because it’s about to get deep.
Being plus sized isn’t a fucking walk in the park, as you can probably imagine. Our size, the 1X’s to 3X’s to size 28 and beyond, they are all viewed by society as the “unideal body type.”
Not for us.
We all grew up with Seventeen magazine and Cosmo telling us the 5 secrets to shedding belly fat. We’ve all tried that nasty ass apple cider vinegar shot to lose the water weight. But for what?
Why are we doing this?
I’ll tell you why. To fit a mold that we don’t fit. To make our bodies smaller. To take up less space in the world.
But again, why?
I always tell the story of sitting in my therapist’s office talking about how much I hated my body; my rolls when I sit, my huge ass, my chest that doesn’t fit in normal bras. And he looked at me and said “Okay but why do you want to change?”
I couldn’t give him an answer.
You see for me, in a perfect world, I’d be okay with my body if I didn’t have anxiety about being accepted by everyone or if society didn’t push these notions that we HAVE to be skinny to be beautiful or if my family wasn’t always on my case about losing weight. Only then would I be okay with my body.
And then I realized….who fucking cares?
Who cares if people don’t accept me– I like me.
Who cares if society doesn’t favor my body type– I think I’m strong and pretty (and tacos are too fucking delicious to give up)
Who cares if my family is on my case– I have people that support me as I am.
You have so much more to offer the world than the number on the scale or the size of your pants. You are worth endless happiness and security in your body.
Something I’ll leave you with– What would you do if you weren’t afraid of what people would think?
For me, I’d go sit in a two-piece at my neighborhood pool. That, to me, is true liberation.
You are perfect the way you are— and it’s damn time you start to see it for yourself.
PS- This is the first installment of five parts of this series of “Being Plus Sized” so stay tuned for more in the future!